Post from our Summer Intern, Dan

Despite my young age I can honestly say I have seen things that most people of many more years have not. I have seen the sun rise over New York City while driving up the highway. I have seen the sun set from the rear of a boat over the Atlantic Ocean. I have lived in 3 decades, 2 centuries and 2 millenniums, and I am only 21 years old. I have unfortunately also seen a number of tragedies. I have seen my father laid to his final rest. I have spent 3 hours digging through rubble of a burnt house to try to find the bodies of two people that despite my every effort I could not save. I have been awoken at all hours of the night to stare death straight in the face. Some of those patients I saved many others I did not. But I am not sitting here now writing this post to discuss any of that. I am writing to discuss another tragedy that I have seen time and time again and too often feel helpless to do anything about, this tragedy I speak of is domestic violence.

As a volunteer emergency medical technician, a college student, and a young male I feel I have a unique perspective on domestic violence.  I have known friends and family that have been victims of violence. I have also unfortunately seen family and friends be the aggressors of violence. I have stood by unsure of how to help without making a situation worse with two friends who were mutually abusive. I have responded to calls for victims of assault of both a physical and sexual nature.

What I have learned through my varying experiences is something that seems simple enough, and yet it seems to be beyond the grasp of so many people in this world. WE ARE ALL EQUAL. For those of you speed reading only getting every other sentence let me say it again WE ARE ALL EQUAL. Seems simple enough right? Like mom said growing up The Golden Rule “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” And yet, despite how simple it seems, so many people never grasp it. Now I know some of you reading this are immediately thinking “Wait, what does this have to do with domestic violence?” The answer is everything. In almost all cases of domestic violence the issue arises that one party is trying to assert power or control over the other. I want to take a moment to point out that I said “one party” not “the man.” The reason for this is simple. There are many cases in which a man is the victim (pro-football player Geno Hayes, Actor Humphrey Bogart, Christian Slater, and Phil Hartman to name a few).

“So what’s the point?” I am writing this post for a few reasons. One to pay tribute to those that I know that have been victims, as well as the patients I have had. Your stories are not forgotten; your pain is still remembered.  Second is to raise awareness very generally about the issue. I could sit here and write till my fingers fall off and still come short of being able to properly and fully describe the atrocities that exist that fall under the general heading of “domestic violence.” I instead want to remind people that:

·       “25% of all women experience domestic violence in their lifetime.”

·       “Between 600,000 and 6 million women and 100,000 and 6 million men are victims of domestic violence, depending on the type of survey used”

·       “More than 3 women and 1 man are killed each day by their partner”

·       “21% of women report being victims of sexual assault in their lifetimes, 74% of these women report that their husband or boyfriend was the aggressor.”

Just to name a few statistics.

The third, and arguably most important reason, I am writing this post is to raise activism about the crucial prevention of domestic violence and sexual violence. In order to create a safer and happier world for everyone we all need to recognize that a problem does exist. We need to not stand by idly and allow these tragedies to continue. As a man I see the problem as endemic. The spread of individual acts of violence fosters an environment where further violence is thought to be acceptable. It creates a stereotype of men. It affects the people that we love. When we act together we protect our loved ones. We break the stereotype.  We prevent future violence.

The next question is inevitably “how do I help?” It’s simple. Man-up! Take a stand as a man (or woman!) to not stand by and allow these situations to continue. The first step is to examine the culture we live in from an objective stand-point. Focus in on the pop culture messages that influence your opinion and presumptions about the opposite sex. Men, do not look at women as meat. Women, don’t look at men as animals. Men that typically abuse women do so because they believe that men are superior. Women that abuse men frequently do so because they think men are animals that need to be controlled. Stand up for your beliefs. You have no idea how powerful of a message you can send to someone, and how you might change their actions, by simply standing up and telling them you no longer support their actions and preconceived notions about gender roles, or their acts of violence. Last, and certainly not least, take some time to help in a local organization. Google “domestic violence organizations”  in your area, you might just be amazed at what you find.